Coffee With A. Duck

The Father of “That Girl”

Some things you just can’t make up.  Crystal keeps a pretty descent log of funny things that the kids say and do or the ways that they reveal what’s going on inside their heads, but this episode is worthy of its own post.

So I am down at a restaurant supply warehouse picking up supplies for Portico (the coffee shop at Graceway that I manage) and I am ready to check out.  I have my two kids, Issac (15 months) and Abigail (4 years) with me.  The kids have been a little squirrely, but not bad and I am expecting to get out of the store and back home without incident.  Not.  So.  Much.  The next 45 seconds are the subject of this post.

As I’m making sure that I have my corporate card and everything ready to check out, Abigail starts shreiking at the top of her lungs, hopping up and down and pointing “OH MY GOODNESS!  LOOK DADDY, IT’S A REAL WIZARD!!!”  What?  ”CAN I GO TALK TO HIM?!?”  I started to say an emphatic NO, but she was gone.  The poor guy didn’t even see her coming becasue you know, he wasn’t a real wizard…or even a fake one.

I turned just in time to see her warp over to an orthodox Jewish Rabbi fully dressed in some ceremonial robes not unlike what the Chief Rabbinate might wear and she starts yanking on his robe, excitedly trying to get his attention.  Startled, the rabbi looks down and before he can say anything, my darling 4 year old asks/shouts “ARE YOU A REAL WIZARD?!?”  His eyes dart around, probably looking for me.  ”No” he  replies flatly.  ”ARE YOU SURE?!?  DO YOU KNOW ANY SPELLS?”  Again looking around with almost pleading eyes, “No” comes the flat, monotone response

Horrified.  ”Abigail come HERE.  He is not a real wizard!” I tell her.  Fully dissatisfied, she runs over and as she’s coming back she says “DAAAAAD!  I KNOW HE’S NOT A REAL WIZARD.  HE TOLD ME THAT!  HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ANY SPELLS OR HAVE A WAND!!!

Oh my.  We need to leave now.  Mercifully, the cashier had been ringing up my order the whole time but had now joined the chorus of people snickering at us.  Got my receipt, got my kids, got my stuff and we’reouttahere!  But no.  Just as we’re clearing the doors, Abigail looks back: “BYYYYYYYYYEEE MR. WIZAAAARD!!!”

In Hebrew, “Abigail” (אֲבִיגַיִל) means “Joy of the Father / My Father is Joy.”  I’m going to gueess that the rabbi didn’t know that and even if, probably wouldn’t have been quite feeling it today.  All I know is that Abigail and I are going to have to have a talk before she watches any more Harry Potter movies.  I see exactly how she drew her conclusions, but…WOW!

Popularity: 36% [?]

I’m Dreaming of a White Breakfast

It finally snowed!  I’ve lived in Kansas City for 13 years now and I don’t remember a winter without snow.  Growing up in Seattle was the opposite; it was really something if it DID snow! Anyway, this morning the kids came down to several inches of perfect snowman-making snow and I was feeling a little nostalgic so I offered to make them pancakes.  Just as I was getting ready to add water to the mix, I had a wild thought and called the kids in.  ”These are very special pancakes.”  I told them.  ”They can only be made this way when it snows for the first time each year.”  They were really excited in that “I’m-not-100%-why-I’m-excited-but-I’m-a-kid-so-who-cares” kind of way.  I had them follow me outside to the deck and I scooped up a couple of double handfuls of snow and mounded it over my pancake mix.  ”You’ve heard of snowflakes?”  ”YES!”  ”Well, these are snowCAKES!”

Dancing.  High 5′s.  More giddy screaming than was really necessary.

So I mixed them up.  It was slightly harder to hand mix really cold batter than it would have been at room temp, but was totally manageable for Super Dad.  Cooked the pancakes on the griddle like normal and instead of the normal syrup and as the final touch, instead of just straight up syrup, they got dusted with powdered sugar.  Hardly a new idea, but they had never seen it so it was awesome for them.  Full bellies.  Full hearts.  Order Up!

No real hidden message other than an affirmation that what your kids really want from you doesn’t come from the store and it was more than what I could fit into 140 characters.

Popularity: 17% [?]

One small step for man…and two steps back

Been learning to do my own rewiring recently.  Today I was able to convert a dimmer switch to a motion sensor switch without any help.  I know, this is standard stuff for most guys, but due to a bad incident as a kid, I have always shied away things that spark.  My friend Josh has been helping me by letting me watch him, then recently, fielding questions and coming to check my work, etc.  Awesome!  So today I went to tell Josh that I had swapped out a switch on the main floor that we call the “kid room.”  What he realized without me saying so was that I hadn’t called/texted him with any questions about it.  That’s some progress right there!

And then I tripped at the finish line:

Oh, shut your pie hole.  They look like they could be brothers.  They just…aren’t.

Popularity: 85% [?]